(Song)
[CRAIG]
I got a mansion in the Hamptons, I got a bungalow upstate
I got a penthouse just for fuckin' and another where I masturbate
The money just keeps rollin’ in, the good times never stop
There's never been a man like me, and I'll always be on top
[TREVOR]
My cock is fuckin’ massive, it always leaves the ladies sore
It's seven inches long, curves to the left, then it goes ten inches more
I got girls and cash, cars and booze, I'm the cream of the fuckin' crop
There's never been a man like me, and I'll always be on top
[BOTH]
I'm the best
So fucking blessed
[CRAIG]
Sexy, smart, it's just not fair
[TREVOR]
I slay pussy everywhere
[BOTH]
I get what I want, and what I’ve got I flaunt
And though some people find it strange
No one’s gonna make me change
(Spoken)
[CRAIG]
Craig Tittle!
[TREVOR]
Trevor Brock! Take it you're from the uptown branch?
[CRAIG]
My reputation precedes me!
[TREVOR]
Nope! Never heard of you
[CRAIG]
Actually, I’m the one who's never heard of you, so...
[TREVOR]
Well, you shoulda heard of me, 'cause I'm the number 1 salesman this company’s got
[CRAIG]
Hate to break it to you, buddy, but last time I checked, I was number 1. Craig Tittle's always on top
[TREVOR]
You might be on top of a sex offender's registry, but I've always been the best salesman
[CRAIG]
Fuck you, pal! I've had a record month! While you were in bed milking your morning wood, I've been pounding the pavement making sales!
[TREVOR]
You think I can't make sales and jerk off at the same time? You got another thing coming, because
(Song)
[BOTH]
I always get the things I want, there's no way I can flop
There's never been a man like me, and I'll always be
I'll always be
I'll always be on top
[OFFICE WORKERS]
Craig Tittle's fucking awesome, Trevor Brock is off the chart
They talk a lot about their dicks and they sell fucking Vroomba parts
[BOTH]
You won't ever take me down, I'll work until I drop
There's never been a man like me, and I'll always be on top
[CRAIG]
Fifteen thousand gears!
[GLORIA]
Money money money money money money money
[TREVOR]
Twenty thousand wheels!
[GLORIA]
Money money money money money money money
[CRAIG]
Thirty thousand gears!
[TREVOR]
Forty thousand wheels!
[GLORIA]
I love fuckin' money!
[OFFICE WORKERS]
Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be?
[BOTH]
One hundred thousand teeny tiny brushes!
(Dance break)
[BOTH]
Look around, it's plain to see
There's never been a man like me
'Cause I'm the fucking top!