I dont know how deep to go, but Imma let it all out
So come peep the show
Got my first xaney of my mate, I aint gonna say his name
It was fun at the start, I used to treat it like a game
This around the time when the nebulizer dropped
I was on all types of shit, but theres one I couldnt stop
And it played with my brain, but I focused on the music
I focused so much, didnt realize I abused it
Never had a plan to stop, not in that prediction
Going through fame, couldnt see I had addictions
1 Turned to 2, turned to 3, turned to 4
Then I need about 6 a day, a little bit more
Mixing it with lean, gotta stop people seeing
What damages can be by looking at me, shit
What to do cause I feel like a fool and I hate
Any rapper making xaneys look cool
Shit was getting bad I was filled up with hateful
Thoughts in my mind, I would argue with april
Agreed I would stop, shit Id give it a go
By the first fucking night, felt like slitting my throat
Second night, my body shaking
The ambulance appear and Im thinking in my mind
What the fuck they doing here?
Suddenly Im caught up and theres no time to muck round
Lucky I got here, cause my body bout to shut down
Back to square one, nah man you cant quit
You gotta wean yourself off
Thats some hard shit
What the fuck man, my brain is a mess
I cant remember that much
Feel the pain in my legs
I wish it was that easy
I could give up and go
And people still got the hide
To tell me pick up my phone
Maybe thats my fault
I didnt speak on it much
I didnt see if as a problem
I would keep it from cunts
Rates could always tell
When I couldn't pronounce
Certain words, brain dead
Yeah should I be proud?
Anxiety was killin me
The doctors couldnt deal with me
Put me on a program cut me down
On the pills and weed
All scared, cause I feel on my own
I told em let me chill
Now they think Im dissing them bro
Waking up tired, I gotta take more pills
And I didnt even wanna take em
Is this fuckin for real?
Losing touch of myself
Its like realitys false
Its like Im walking around
Without having a pulse
Its a feeling of death
Or like nothing is left
Cause there Im holding my chest
Just put a hole in my head
You see the older I get
Its getting scary as fuck
Im like an eighteen in the head
I werent aware of those drugs
The shit that they cause
I talk to mirrors on walls
I dont need this shit ever
But to pills I will fall
I opened up on no rest told cunts everything
That I done ice, didnt leave out anything
I quit that shit, yeah I left it flat dead
That was 5 years ago, they still think Im a crackhead
If thats what we going off, fuck me dead
In 5 years Ill be clean, theyll be calling me a xaney head
Funny how the world works for a paycheck
Once the fame hit, I became a train wreck
I wasnt shit anyway, so why does it count?
Why so many people love me? I cant figure it out
But Im telling you now, dont you follow my path
Look you couldnt if you tried, cause Im going in hard
Fuck a poppin a pill, just to go out today
Howd I end up like this? I dont know, its a way
Well Im blaming the fame, yeah I said it before
But its enough to make me high
Feel like ending it all, but I
Brush it off got my fans on my side too
And my girl and my brothers
And the whole crew
Spilling the truth, its like all I can do
Thats why I dont have time for rappers
That are saying theyre true
When they lie to their fans, apologize in the end
I never lied to mine and this is why Im the man
I tell you what Im going through
I dont care what they think
Thats why Im triple popping pills, leaning over the sink
Im almost fuckin crying as Im writing this shit
Cause of all my close ones, and the lives I affect
I came from the bottom, I made it my problem
Created the option, now fame has adoptin
My brain gotta stop it, insane I am not this
Strange we got scot sick, Imma watch a clock tick
Just fuck off, I said it just fuck off
If I wont have my tablets Ill find a bridge to jump off
Fuckin idiots, thinking that the shit is cool
till they dyin in the vomit of there own drool
What I meant to say? dont do what I done
Ive cut down on the program, yeah Ive won
Repped it from the street, turned into a star then
Caught a fuckin habit on the xanex but the bars went
Crazy and Im just dealing with fame
I just want my fans to know that Ill still be the same
I'm good