Video Bodega Bathroom de Saturday Night Live 2024 Lyrics Lyrics

Saturday Night Live - Bodega Bathroom Lyrics

(Spoken Intro)
[CHARLIE'S FRIEND]
Yo, just the Skittles, and do you have a bottle of water?

[BODEGA MAN]
Uh, sure. You want it super hot or solid block of ice?

[CHARLIE'S FRIEND]
Never mind

[CHARLIE]
Hey, do you have a bathroom?

[BODEGA MAN]
A what?

[CHARLIE]
A bathroom. You know, a bathroom I can use?

[CHARLIE'S FRIEND]
Dude, did you just ask to use a bathroom in a bodega?

[CHARLIE]
I mean, what? Who cares? It's an emergency

[BODEGA MAN]
Would you like the key to the bathroom?
[CHARLIE'S FRIEND]
Yo, Charlie, if you do this, I don't think we can be friends anymore, man

[CHARLIE]
Dude, relax! It's just a bathroom. I'm sure it's fine

[BODEGA MAN]
And so it shall be. Oh, Bodega Cat, show this man to the bathroom

[BODEGA CAT]
Make a wish! Hold your breath!

(Song)
Come with me
And you'll be
In a world of zero sanitation
Close your eyes
And avoid inhalation

[COCKROACHES]
If you want a few parasites
Take a look around and view them
All the sticky stuff is fluid
Want to know for sure? Put a blacklight to it

(Spoken)
[CHARLIE]
Oh my God!
[BODEGA CAT]
That's right, you're the first person to use this bathroom that's not a dog giving birth

[CHARLIE'S FRIEND]
What kind of creep would let a bathroom get like this?

[BODEGA MAN]
I did!

(Song)
Who can sell you condoms
And AriZona iced tea
A loose cigarette and plantain chips?

[BODEGA MAN, BODEGA CATS, AND COCKROACHES]
The bodega man can!
Oh, the bodega man can!

[BODEGA MAN]
The bodega man can, 'cause he mixes lots of pills
And calls them Tiger Sex Pills

[BODEGA CAT]
Who can make a rainbow
Out of cans of Goya beans?
[COCKROACH 2]
The Oreos are Russian and the ATM's Chinese

[BODEGA MAN, BODEGA CATS, AND COCKROACHES]
The bodega man can!
Oh, the bodega man can!

(Spoken)
[TOILET]
Enough! The child is mine! He took the key, and now he must pay the ultimate price!

[BODEGA CAT]
I'm sorry, my son. I cannot protect you any longer

[TOILET]
Aw, come on! Feed me, Seymour! Feed me!

[VIRGIN MARY CANDLE]
Stop!

[CHARLIE'S FRIEND]
Bodega Virgin Mary candle?

[VIRGIN MARY CANDLE]
That's right! If no one else will protect the boy, then I will. And I hope that someday we can erase

(Song)
The memory
Oh, this horrible memory
When he needed a toilet
In a moment of shame

[TOILET]
If you touch me, you'll understand what unhappiness is

[COCKROACHES]
Your worst day has begun

(Spoken)
[CHARLIE]
Well, that was both beautiful and disgusting. I think I learned my lesson

[BODEGA MAN]
Not yet, you haven't

(Song)
[OOMPA-LOOMPAS]
Oompa loompa oompety do
We've got a troubling bathroom for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
We got an "F" from the CDC

[VIRGIN MARY CANDLE]
What do you get when you sit on that seat?

[OOMPA-LOOMPA 1]
Swine HPV and a wave of heat

[OOMPA-LOOMPA 2]
Where are you at
Getting desperate like that?

[VIRGIN MARY CANDLE]
The sink is a swimming pool for rats

[RAT]
I don't like the looks of it

(Spoken)
[CHARLIE'S FRIEND]
Wait, wait, wait. You got Oompa-Loompas in your bodega?

[BODEGA MAN]
Oh, no, those are just Sour Patch Kids that have been in the store so long, they came to life

[CHARLIE]
Hey look, Mister, here's your key back. I decided not to use the bathroom

[BODEGA MAN]
No, Charlie, don't you see? It's all yours now. The bathroom, the bodega, I'm leaving all of it to you. You passed the test

[CHARLIE]
But what will I do with it?

[BODEGA CAT]
It's a bodega, Charlie. The possibilities are endless, because there's

(Song)
525,600 items

[BODEGA MAN, BODEGA CATS, AND COCKROACHES]
525 thousand unrelated things
525 thousand flavors of ramen
How can we sell you one loose beer?

[ALL]
And shampoo and hot dogs and the worst-ever cup of coffee
And tampons on the top shelf

[BODEGA MAN]
Why are they there?

[ALL]
There's a guy who doesn't work here
Just sitting and watching soccer
And chargers

[BODEGA CAT]
But they're only for an iPhone 3

[ALL]
And what about flan?
The dessert called flan?

[COCKROACH 2]
Just-unwrapped flan

[ALL]
Bodega of love
Love
The toilet don't flush
The toilet don't flush

(Spoken outro)
[CHARLIE]
All right, I've decided to drop out of NYU and run the bodega full-time!

(Sung outro)
[ALL]
Yeah, bodega of love!
Love!