[Robert Foster]
News flash! Humans are migrating en masse
Many in search of work and better circumstance
Many more displaced by wars and massacres, predatory trade pacts
Ethnic clashes, historical fractures, climate change impacts
Some call them \"Refugees\"; others \"Illegal immigrants\"
Whatever the label, there are more displaced people today than ever in history;
Collectively they form one of the world\'s largest nations
A flagless country of tens of millions, half of them children
So how is the world handling this crisis today?
Surely the wisest, richest societies are responding in enlightened ways
We now invite three guests from such countries... first up
Business magnate, presidential candidate, Donald Trump
[Donald Trump]
My fellow \'Muricans, our great nation\'s become a rotten dump
Thanks to that communist Obama chump
Our southern border is an open door for any Juan to come
Illegals are pouring through the country scooping all the dollars up
12 million undocumented aliens
That\'s 4 percent of us! And 6 million are Mexicans
I\'m told they\'re all drug dealers, rapists and criminals
And hundreds are working in my Trump hotel businesses
I just don\'t get it! After all we\'ve given them:
We signed NAFTA which trashed their economic system
Put them out of work and raised the price of tortillas... but despite our efforts
We can\'t seem to satisfy those taco-munching peasants
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[Robert Foster]
Let\'s bring in Katie Hopkins, a tabloid paper columnist
What\'s your take on immigrants?
[Katie Hopkins]
It\'s the day of apocalypse
And the EU is doing nothing to stop loads of unwashed droves
From crossing over the ocean like cockroaches
They get on wobbly boats, and drown... if we\'re lucky
Then the survivors arrive on Greek Islands and head for this fine country:
Great Britain, the Whitened, I mean United Kingdom
Where they swamp our local culture and welfare system
Feral migrants, spreading like the norovirus
We\'ve had to put up miles of fences to stop the tide of outsiders
With jihadi names, weird clothes and cruel customs
They\'re robbing us of our own country. Truly Disgusting!
[Robert Foster]
Ah... Next up then: Australia\'s Prime Minister Tony Abbott
[Tony Abbott]
Sounds like a bad... a bad problem you have there... but we don\'t have it:
We\'ve solved it
[Donald Trump & Katie Hopkins]
You have??
[Tony Abbott]
Of course we have all sorts of desperate people trynna get to our shores
But we got it all sorted
[Donald Trump]
How?
[Katie Hopkins]
Well, tell us!
[Tony Abbott]
We took this bloody UN Refugee Convention and chucked it in the dunny;
To all asylum seekers, we shut our borders;
We turn their boats back mid voyage, or bribe people smugglers to do it for us
And if anyone slips through to our shores after all that
We lock em up in concentration... I mean detention camps...
On remote islands like Manus and Nauru
[Katie Hopkins]
For how long?
[Tony Abbott]
Indefinitely!
[Robert Foster]
Heinous!
[Tony Abbott]
True
[Donald Trump]
Genius!
[Tony Abbott]
Definitely!
[Robert Foster]
How do you get away with this?
[Tony Abbott]
It\'s easy as killing the ABC
When both major parties are vying for the cruelest policy on refugees
And you ban anyone reporting on the camps and what goes down inside...
Even rape and child abuse
Out of sight, out of mind!
[Donald Trump]
Tony, when I\'m president in these parts
I\'m gonna make you head of immigration. You\'re hired!
To guard our border, we\'ll erect a huge rampart
And you know, when it comes to building walls I\'ve got it down to a damn art
[Katie Hopkins]
Aussies, you are a shining beacon of vicious cruelty
If you can do it, by jingo, so can we
Quick, go! send our gunships and British Navy
Blow those sweaty Syrians straight out of the flipping grey sea!
[Tony Abbott]
Ripper, Katie. Glad to be an inspiration
[Robert Foster]
Well, it\'s great to see such close collaboration
Between nations. But is it ethical? Let\'s pose that question
To Mr Moonseed from the NGO: \'Real Humans Say Welcome\'
[Terrence Moonseed]
Greetings, xenophobic pundits
My preaching from the pulpit today shall focus on the gleeful topic of one-ness
Different cultures can bring new and positive customs
Great food, music, yoga, hot people... a melting pot of abundance
We need to open all borders, and receive the magic
Let people roam the globe: choose love, not fear and panic
...Unless of course they\'re trying to migrate to Atlantis
Which is reserved for me, the highest race on the planet
[Katie
- Multiculturalism means the death of our fragile white race
[Donald Trump]
They\'re trying to wipe us out without a trace
[Katie Hopkins]
Only white countries are forced to mix with other ethnic types
[Tony Abbott]
Dead right, if we get lax on immigrants, it\'ll be...
[Katie Hopkins, Donald Trump & Tony Abbott]
White Genocide!
[Robert Foster]
Genocide? That\'s an interesting choice of expression...
Didn\'t you yourselves migrate to the countries you now live in
And push the locals out of their homes, imposing
Your own language, laws, and culture across their homelands?
[Donald Trump]
Exactly, you saw how that went for Native Americans...
[Tony Abbott]
And for Aborigines...
[Katie Hopkins]
We\'re living proof of the danger of immigrants!
[Donald Trump]
They\'ll steal the land we stole!
[Tony Abbott]
Invade our barbecue areas
[Katie Hopkins]
I\'d rather leave than witness this!
[Terrence Moonseed]
Don\'t try to come to Atlantis, you barbarians!
[William de Berg]
Howzit, my chinas
Let\'s call an intermission
I\'ve been listening in and it seems like it\'s time for one of my bliksem interjections
[Robert Foster]
Bill de Berg from the New World...
[William de Berg]
Ach, no introductions
I\'m pleased to see that you\'re focusing your anxieties
On the hordes of poor people trying to flee
To your borders and shores, seeking sanctuary
From scarcity, wars and eco catastrophes...
Rather than focusing on these migrants
Who cross all borders at will, overriding
The laws of your countries; wreaking havoc
Destroying thousands of local jobs, and paying no taxes....